The Calf on My Back

It's incredibly frustrating to hear the same person whine about the same thing over and over and over, right? Recently a friend confided how hard it is for her to hold her tongue when listening to others, particularly if they've been complaining about the same things for a long time. I get it. It is frustrating to hear the same old whining. I wanted to tell her right then that sometimes people struggle with the same issues for a lifetime. I knew that was true. But why?

Why do we spend countless hour over decades complaining about the exact same things? What is it for you? Do you eat too much or hate your fat? Is your house not big or pretty enough? Does your husband drive you absolutely batty? Are you waiting (and waiting and waiting) for God to do something spectacular in the mundane of your life?

A couple years back another woman asked about how an old mutual friend had been. "How's Hannah? She's probably struggling with the same old things, right?" Funny how for some of us the struggle is with others who struggle with the same old things. Some of us struggle with watching others who seem weak, stuck, and not being able to change them.

Mine is relationships. For several years now, friendships. I've been deeply disappointed with others and the level of relationship they're willing to extend me. I've felt sad, alienated, excluded, and deeply sad. So I've complained about how no one is willing to reach back or take the time to really get to know me. I've been whining that I don't have close friends I can call to go shopping, chat about the kids, or cry to about my bad day. It's made for a really intense whining season.

Here's something that recently came to me. The reason I complain about the same thing over and over again is that what I'm complaining about isn't really the problem!

Did you hear that?

It's not really other people who are my problem. It's me. Rather, it's my idol. I've strapped a golden calf to my back, and then refused to admit it's there, preferring to wallow in the aches and pains it causes me.I'm carrying around this heavy burden on my back, and I can't even name it correctly!

I've idolized human relationships, convincing myself that if I could just get them "right," I'd be secure, never alone, filled with friend-love, and that would be enough for me. I've made friends with a golden calf, hoisted him up for the ride, and then hidden him from my own eyes. It wasn't until God revealed this idolatry in my heart that I was able to pull away from the altar and see it needed demolished entirely.

Fear accompanies giving up my complaints: Fear I'm not pulling my weight...when it wasn't a weight for me to carry. Fear I'm not doing "my part," before I give it to God...when all God wants is for it to be destroyed as it is, not polished first. Fear of not having a calf to blame for my aches and pains. See, I will still want and need relationship even after I have cast it down as an idol. Yet friendship will be a gift given freely, lightly into my hands, by its Creator.

The truth is that once I cast off that golden calf, I will be free to stand up. I will cease to have complaints. I will be able to lift my eyes toward Heaven.

In his teaching series on the names of God, Dr. Tony Evans discusses God as our Shepherd. He reminds us God is the Source, all the rest are re-sources. For me, that means relationship with God is what fills me full to overflowing, my cup running over. And all the beautiful people He gives me for fellowship are above-and-beyond blessings. I no longer have to claw and scratch and demand to have my needs met. He created me with those needs and He fills them...first with Himself, then with His other resources.

So, yes, friends, there are burdens we can carry our whole lives, that bend us over in submission to pain and complaint. But if we see them for what they really are, idols we have exalted above the Lord, Himself, in our lives, we can cast them off and stand up straight, hands open to receive the blessings He so longs to give us.

: peace :

Home Again

This week the weather dropped near to fall temps, and it's been hard not to long for walks in the fallen leaves and hot pumpkin spice tea.

But, it's still summer.

Let me rephrase that--YAY, it's still SUMMER!

I love summer. It's my favorite season. I love living in my bathing suit and reading novels on the patio. I love watching my children run from the river to the pool, the river to the pool. I love late nights on the deck, drinking sangria and playing gin rummy with my husband.

But this summer has
       kicked
                   my
                         rear.

This summer we've been to day camp, Cub Scout camp, overnight camp, youth retreat camp, arts camp. The boys joined the local football team. Two children are in physical therapy. And then there were the few weeks between camps when I tried to shove in time with all our friends, so I'll call that Crazy Playdate camp!

Wonderful things? You betcha!
 
Am I exhausted? You double betcha!!

What am I going to do about it? Stay in my jammies all day today. I might clean my house that's in a state of disrepair from all our busyness. But I might just load a new novel on my Kindle and go hide on the patio. Or chat with a friend on the archaic home phone. Home. That word sounds so nice...

Do Your [Homeschooled] Kids Get Snow Days?

I get that question a lot. That's like asking "Do your [Christian] kids get Santa Claus?" Oh, wait. I get that question a lot too! The answer to both is YES.

Snow days are fun. They're exciting! They're something to look forward to. Snow days are mini vacations--with roaring family room fires and homemade hot cocoa. The night before snow days we get to stay up late watching weather coverage on the news, and we get our gloves and snow pants ready. We sleep like we're waiting, well, for Santa Claus.

Last winter and this have been DUDS. The year before that, we had enough snow for three years...Oh, I see. This year, we never even got enough to make a proper snowball. Don't get me wrong--I'm not a cold weather, snow loving gal. But just one exciting hour watching the magic out the window, one round of dressing my kids (rather, watching them dress themselves now that they're old enough) in their crazy puffy snow clothes, just one of those is all I look forward to.

I probably shouldn't admit this publicly--but we took a snow day today even though there's no snow! We expected to wake up to 12 inches of white fluff. We only have a little rain. No snow.The county cancelled school last night, so there's a neighborhood Wii party in my family room. Right next to the roaring fire.

And as for Santa Claus, well, he's not omniscient or omnipresent, he doesn't know if you're  naughty or nice, he doesn't reward according to behavior. He's the great great great great...grandson of St. Nicholas, who loved to bless folks and threw money into the stockings of three sisters who needed dowries (according to legend). He loves to celebrate God's love for us by surprising us with little gifts in our stockings. And his son will take over when he gets too old to fly with reindeer. 

Food, Fractions and Fun

I've learned a few things recently.

5. No matter how great my idea is, I shouldn't mention it until I'm ready to take it on. I have many more ideas than hours to pursue them. I need to ask God to show me which ones are worthy of my time and attention, and table the rest.

4. I can't eat healthy if I don't shop healthy. Because when I open the frig, if there is nothing there, I will order crap. Then I will eat said crap. Then my jeans won't fit. Truth.

3. The state is not the boss of me. I get so wrapped up in how the state wants me to homeschool, and I miss the whole point of homeschooling--helping my children to pursue learning in active, dynamic ways according to their leanings.

2. Hormones are powerful things. Really. really. powerful. Enough said.

1. Birthdays are fun! We spent two days celebrating family and friends, and I'm still excited for the next party!

Turning IT On Its Head

A little while ago I told you our homeschool days were not going very well. I was tired of arguing all morning to get my kids to get their chores and morning routine done before the start of school. I had begun to dread mornings, which meant we were getting a late start to our day, which meant schooling into the evening, which meant one gradually insane mommy.

So, I decided to capitalize on our energy schedule. The kids are jumping beans after dinner, so I switched their housekeeping chores. Now, instead of tidying the house before school in the mornings, they tidy it after dinner in the evening.

I was also frustrated because I love teaching--and I wasn't getting to do any of it while I was happy. Really, after nagging over chores, and helping all four get through the dreaded math and language arts independent work, I was wiped. So our science and social studies, art and music and p.e. stunk! They were getting the facts, but not the fun.

I decided to turn that upside down, too. Now just after we get up to a clean house, we do yoga together (threw that in for some physical fun), and then Bible and a fun subject together--one where I get to really teach!

We're enjoying our homeschooling days much more! Thank you, GOD. And thank you to a very special friend who helped me to see this new possibility simply by listening to me complain about what WASN'T working for our family.

Happy Monday!

The Week in Meals

Yesterday afternoon I sat down with my Kindle and my pen and paper and planned our meals for the week. I know, exciting, huh? But for me it's such a load off to have that done before we start our school week. So, in case you're needing a few ideas or a little inspiration, I'm sharing my plan:

Breakfasts

GF oatmeal with dried bing cherries
Cereal with almond milk and fresh berries
GF Pancakes with pure maple syrup
Eggs and sausage

Lunches

Egg salad lettuce wrap
Applegate Farms natural lunchmeat ham and salami lettuce wraps
Applegate Farms natural hot dogs with GF mac and cheese
BLT lettuce wrap
Tuna salad lettuce wrap
Hard boiled eggs
Nachos with gf chips, rice cheese, lentil chili, and vegan sour cream

Snacks

Fresh fruit and veggies
Food Should Taste Good chips and hummus
Nuts
Frozen Fruit Smoothies (with chia seeds and ground flaxseed)

Dinners

Chicken and Avacado Soup, garden salad

Almond Crusted Mahi Mahi with Pineapple Salsa over brown rice, roasted garlic broccoli
Almost Alton Brown's GF Meatloaf, Pioneer Woman's Crash Hot Potatoes, Honeyed Carrots
Teriyaki Salmon, roasted balsamic brussells sprouts, salad
Old Bay Chicken, roasted sweet potato fries, salad
Beef roast with roasted root vegetables



I love new ideas! Share yours with me here or on my facebook page.

*For the most part, we are dairy free, gluten free and sugar free. But we break the rules every now and again. I'll never turn my nose up at a good recipe ;)

Turning It on Its Head

It.

Home school.

Sometimes it gets rough and hairy.

Sometimes I can't see my way through the next year,
     let alone the next month...
          or week...
               or day...
                    or hour...
                         if I'm honest.

I spent a season recently belly aching. A friend called to see how things were going. She really, genuinely wanted to know. So I told her. And she listened, and empathized, and shared her stories. I hung up feeling like I'd verbally vomited on her; I felt just terrible. But after our conversation, I realized her letting me just get it all out (with no condemnation or judgement, or even hastily prepared answers on her part) helped me to start pulling out the themes.

It's not that home schooling wasn't working for us. It wasn't even that I was in a rut. It was that I was beating my head up against the same situation over and over again, but expecting different results. Help me out here--isn't that the definition of insanity.

I was not frustrated.
Rather, I was insane.

Yep, that explained a lot.

So I thought of that old Lionel Kiddie City commercial jingle:
     "Let Lionel Kiddie City turn your frown upside down."

I turned insanity on its head.

How did I do that?

You'll have to come tomorrow to find out...