Growing Forever

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My daughter heard:

Whatever you will be in life, 
you will be by the time you're 18. 

You will never be more than that.

Of course that's not what was said, 

but it is what she heard. 

Only seven more years to get it right.

 Pressure.

Nothing new for decades.

Tears.

We laid on our stomachs on my bed.

Time for a growing-up girl chat

about filtering what we hear

and from whom we hear it

and in what context.

Time to share

TRUTH.
 

Sure I grew up to the age of 18.

I grew bones, hair, brain power.

I grew in knowledge and experience.

I even grew in character and love.

But if I'm honest

[and I try to be]

I've grown the most 

in the past eleven years.

Since she was born.

Since I became a mother.

Since my heart filled up with love

and set me on a journey far above rooftops.

TRUTH:

We never stop growing.

He who began a good work in us

will be faithful to complete it.

He constantly molds us into His image,

full of grace and mercy, 

loving us far beyond what even

our earthly hearts can comprehend.

No, sweet child,

you will not be all you were meant to be

by the time you are eighteen years old.

You will be all you were meant to be

when He completes you.

it is well

I can assuredly say none of my grandchildren will be named Irene. She cut into the last week of television priveleges my children have until next summer. She is not very popular in our house.

All in all, we're very blessed as far as the weather anomalies over the past week. We missed the east coast earthquake--the sand in NC didn't rumble too much. We did pack up and leave the beach early when we were boarded up for Hurrican Irene. Something about the nailing into the house freaked me out and we packed up and left in an hour.

We're showering at my sister's house today (and the kids are getting in some tv) because we have no power. It went out Saturday night just after we finished Soul Surfer. My hubby spoke with our county councilman today and he said we're not on the schedule to be worked on for a WEEK.

Is it a catastrophe? No. Really, the only thing we're missing is a frig and hot showers. We can drive the 30 mins. here to shower. And maybe even visit her mall which houses a Build A Bear. My kids are itching to get there. We can eat non-heated things for breakfast and lunch, and maybe we'll get invitations for dinners. (We have one for tonight.) Or we can try grilling. Our grill has a side burner for steaming veggies.

We are truly blessed. Truly. Nobody's hurt. We're having fun. We have amazing friends and family. But I'm still battling a feeling of...not sure how to describe it. Loss, maybe? Disconcertment. Displacement. I'm not sure. But that's why I will sing "It is well with my soul."

top ten ramblings

So much rambling around in my mind. 

So many little arguments 

trying to hold themselves up 

against Christ in my mind (2 Cor. 10:5).

10. Clean Car

Do I mind, I mean really mind, sitting in junk day in day out? 

Spilled milkshakes, thousands of fingerprints that spell out "Help me!" or "Wash me." 

The notion that a whole nest of rats could live in my car alone quite content with the menu. 

Do I mind?

9. Home School Organization

Each time I've nailed down exactly what and how we'll do this fall, something major changes. 

A whole co-op moves its day. 

I find I need to add in an entire subject. 

I change units. 

While everyone is posting on facebook about finally having their hs years lined up, 

my year is still not nailed down. 

Ugh.

8. Clean House

The "pile" on the kitchen counter has grown. 

It is now too large for the counter and sits in the corner of my dining room. 

A huge eyesore, like a wart on an otherwise generally tidy area. 

Something about it being there gives my all-or-nothing personality permission to let the rest go. Should I just toss it all without going through it? 

Not smart, but would make the rest of the upstairs cleaner.

7. Enough Time for Everybody Dear to Me

I want to see you! 

I want you to come to my house and sit with me over a cup of tea, 

laughing, crying, however we're moved.

But this seriously high introvert can't seem to find any energy these days. 

It's not that I don't love you. In fact, I think of you all the time. 

But when I have a free day on the calendar, I usually pencil in 

Solitude.

6. Exercise

My body needs it. My mind needs it. 

It only takes 20 mins. on the bike 

in front of the t.v. for Pete's sake!

There is no excuse except for laziness. 

I must, must, must model its importance to my children.

I must fit back into my jeans in the fall--

  I gave away my bigger sizes last year.

5. Vacation

Every year I say "This year I will look like a bombshell on the beach." 

Too bad my belly looks like it was hit with shrapnel. 

That's what birthing four kids will do to you.

And...I've decided...

I don't want to cook on vacation.

At all. 

Easy to say, hard to do

when there will be 10 hungry folks every day.

This will be one interesting vacation.

4. Budget

My nemesis.

I say I'll stick with it, but then something I just "have to have" comes up. 

Some nonsense like eggs or milk. Trivial, really.. 

So I cry over my budget every two weeks, 

then feel terrible for not being grateful for the awesome job my hubby has 

that pays for so many of what the rest of the world would call "luxuries," 

like central air conditioning.

3. Body

I want to love this body. 

I read a quote that said 

"Love your body because you can't care for something you hate." 

So true. 

For the first time in my life, when I look in the mirror, I actually think "pretty."

I don't think it has anything to do with youth or firmness, 

but with wisdom and softened edges.

In my mind I love my curves. 

But once I step away from the mirror, the accusing voices start: 

"Did you miss those 20 extra pounds of FAT?! 

"Are you stinking blind? You jiggle, girlfriend!

"Pretty? Ha!" [Insert evil laugh.]

~sigh~

2. Career

I posted that I was jealous...a wee bit jealous...

that many of my friends are starting new chapters in their lives--

going back to work after a decade of being home with children.

Don't get me wrong.

I do NOT want to go get a job.

I seriously abhor the idea of time clocks and schedules.

I do not want to wait on people in retail

or bring other people food in restaurants.

I would, however, like a  

vision for my writing career

It's what I was made for.

1. Spirit

Right. 

My emotions do not determine

my place in Christ.

My identity is not controlled

by raging peri-menopausal hormones.

No matter how I feel when I wake up,

God does not love me more when I am "on."

He loves me because He loves me because He loves me.

Period.

So this brings me back to 2 Corinthians 10:5

...Putting an end to reasonings, 

and every high thing which is lifted up 

against the knowledge of God, 

and causing every thought 

to come under the authority of Christ...

That means putting everything in its rightful place,

under the feet of Jesus.

Putting the whining, questioning, bellyaching,

the insecurity, accusations, pride,

the hormones, moods and mind-racing

under His feet so He can crush them.

That means

taking every single thought captive to 

the One who overcame all thoughts

with Victory over sin and death.

mistaken for patience

I've fooled myself into thinking that patience is not flipping off the punk who cut me and my minivan off in traffic. Or that patience is being kind to the receptionist who forgot she put me on hold, but didn't apologize.

But real patience--oh, I'm learning--cuts deep. It stings. It burns. It is not rewarding in the short-run, and the short-run might last an earthly lifetime.

Real patience for me is telling my kids for the 38th time in one day that we do not speak to others "like that," without speaking, myself, "like that."

Real patience for me is not waking up resentful every morning that my beautiful dress and sparkly high heels sit dusty in my closet after a year of asking my husband to take me on a "fancy" date.

Real patience for me is continuing to call a relative who wants more from me than I can give, and not letting their slander root bitterness in my heart.

Real patience for me is allowing a friend who always lets me down to keep offering herself to me, knowing she will again disappoint me--because she has not yet been completed in Christ.

Real patience for me is living close to people who can offer no neighborly warmth, and not spending every waking moment trying to mend the situation or find a new home.

I am so thankful Jesus was patient with Paul. Paul maligned Him, yet Jesus was patient with him. Paul hurt those Jesus gave His very life for, yet Jesus was patient with his incompleteness, his ignorance, his spite and vindictiveness.

I think I'm finally beginning to understand why some translations of the Bible use the word "long suffering" in place of patience.

It's My Birthday!

 

 

 

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I'm not supposed to toot my own horn, but...

TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I love birthdays.

 

They are a special time to celebrate what GOD has done~

and He has redeemed this lost life.

 

He has brought me from darkness into light

in His own way.

His own timing.

 

Thank You, God, for one more year of blessing!

 

Restoration

Last weekend I went on a retreat with women from my church. 

What a wonderful way to rejuvenate and restore after a long, hard year.

 My daughters sent me away with these wonderful tokens of their love. 

I made sure to put them out in my room to remind me 

of one of the reasons I drew away for restoration.

 A few of us left early to stop by some quaint shops in a nearby small town. 

This is my shopping buddy. Boy, does she know her Vera Bradley.

As wonderful as it was to reconnect with friends 

and sit at the feet of our local radio diva Tracy Tiernan for worship and teaching, 

I needed a little time alone. So I went for a walk 

on the beautiful grounds of Sandy Cove. 

I literally bumped into these soft, fragrant pine bushes. 

And I noticed something. 

 

Pine cones don't start out hard. 

I guess I'd never thought about the birth of pine cones before. 

But when I stumbled upon these beautiful crimson creations, 

I was mesmerized. I wanted to squeeze their little hearts.

Eventually they turn to these things we recognize 

as pine cones and collect to decorate with during the fall. 

I have to say I've been inspired to learn more about the life cycle of a pine cone. 

And I promise I won't go all philosophical on you, 

but I know there's some sort of illustration there about how God grows us...

One night I snuck out to the restroom during the teaching 

and happened upon this phenomenal sight:

It touched my heart so deeply, I had to sneak back in to get my camera. 

Just look at that setting sun reflecting on the still water. 

And that tree, full-of-life, smack dab in the middle of it all. 

I feel another illustration coming on...

So often we go away on retreat and have 

what we call, "Mountaintop Experiences," 

and have a far fall back into "normal life." 

Yet that's not what happened to me this particular weekend.

Because the next morning I woke up to my own beautiful sight:

I send a thank-you from my heart to everyone

who  made this weekend such a time of life and love for me.

Spring: I Love You Baby!

Something about

SPRING

makes my heart sing!

Apparently, it does the same thing to my children.

And they have a particularly artistic interest in her, even using her mud to paint...

 

THEMSELVES!!

 

Oh yes, this was a day of exploration!

A day I was very grateful for indoor plumbing and manufactured soap.

A day full of life and hope and fun, the best stuff of life.

Holy Week Celebrations!

From the archives:

What shall we do this week to usher in Easter? How can we keep our hearts fixed upon Him during this time of candy and bunnies?

Here's a list of things we've done in the past to celebrate Holy Week. (Click on the title for the link to the original post.) Happy reading!

Create Mary Jars

Usher Him in with palms

Create an Easter Tree

Read Legend of the Sand Dollar

Send some Easter cards

Acknowledge your own nails...

Cook up some Resurrection Rolls

And just for fun...

Play around with eggs

Play around some more

Our Easter Reading list Part One

 

Part Two

What's a Girl to Do?

To color, or not to color. That is the question.

I have two gray streaks, one on each side of my face. 

(My almost-40 face sitting on my almost-40 neck. Egads!)

So what options do I have?

I tried a $10 box mix last spring, but didn't like the natural highlights it covered up in my hair. 

Not to mention the gray showed up the very next day. What a waste of time and money.

I could go gray gracefully. I could be brave and laugh in the face of societal standards.

I could admit it's all vanity and accept who I am in Christ. 

 That would be the holy route.

I could remember that earthly treasures fade (like hair color)
and instead store up treasures in Heaven.

I could use the $100+ I'd pay at a salon to instead sponsor a child 

who doesn't have enough nutrition to grow a full head of any color hair.

That would be noble, too. 

And good.

And hard.

I'll admit it. I'm vain. When I look good, I feel good.

.

But I'm asking myself, at what cost? 

To my soul?

Does it have to be one or the other? 

Beauty or charity?

I only have one checkbook, one source of income.

It just might be.

So don't judge me if you see me trying to pull my hair up all sorts of crazy

trying to hide the gray

while I try to sort this thing out.

I'm open to suggestions...

Sabbath Sweetness: Changes in Plans

Today was sweet. Despite the weekend-ful of vomiting from various unnamed members of our family.

We did a lot of this:

 

Some of this:

 

And even this:

 

Good news--everyone has been vomit-free for 24 hours now, which means we're permitted to rejoin civilization tomorrow. WooHoo!

Sabbath Sweetness: Memories

Here are a few photos from this year's Daddy Daughter Dance at church. The girls and my hubby just love this night out.

 

Oh, so sweet!

This year while the girls were out with Daddy, the boys ventured out with Mama.

 

 We went to a campfire program on the full moon. It was pretty fun, and right on the water. (There's always water when Mama's involved.)

We love these children so, so very much and hope they remember all these good times in their hearts and minds. They are truly treasures from God.

Used to Be's

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I used to be thin    I used to be blonde     I used to be cute      I used to be creative    

I used to be wealthy     I used to be intelligent     I used to be a working professional

I used to be fun    I used to be wanted     I used to be needed     I used to be cute

I used to be outgoing     I used to be outspoken     I used to be a leader

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Then I was wiped clean

Really, truly clean

I was made new

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Now I am found     Now I am brought back from death     

Now I am loved      Now I am redeemed       Now I am lovely

Now I am full of life      Now I am joyous     Now I am humbled

Now I am beautiful     Now I am blessed     Now I am worthy

Now I am full of His confidence        Now I am made new  

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If anyone is in Christ she is a new creation!

 

 

More than Enough: Soul Restoration

Welcome to folks stopping by from Shelley's blog, Renaissance Wyoming on the Soul Restoration blog hop. (For a complete list of all the blogs on the hop, visit Judy at Be Present Be Real.)

I've been talking smack about how far to go with things, telling you not-so-much is best a lot of the time. I've been preaching not going overboard on things that don't really matter all that much. But there are certain things that just won't survive in "just enough."

Redemption     Beauty     Joy     Love

The things my soul needs, it needs in abundance. My frig can handle a little dirt. My soul needs its corners swept and its wood polished.

This January I didn't even have the strength to lift the polishing rag. Seriously. I was depleted. Beyond repair. Done. Out. Down for the count. Disqualified from the race. Over the hill. Beyond help. [Insert your own defeatism cliche here.] I just couldn't figure out how I was ever going to unfreeze and get on with life.

2010 had felt like a disaster. Between home schooling my four children, holding down the fort while my husband traveled the country half the year, and taking in his sick, elderly aunt, I lost myself. Oh, not in the psychological mumbo-jumbo way, but in reality--I lost my brown hair to the gray monster; I lost weight to stress; I lost eyesight to age; and I lost my sense of peace. Most alarming, I lost my creativity! [I feel closest to God and who He made me to be when I am creating. Yet here I was looking at my craft supplies thinking I should donate them all to charity because these hands weren't ever going to work right again, let alone this mind.]


I stumbled up on Melody Ross' Soul Restoration online class. Oh, class is such a dirty word for it. No, it was fully an

Experience    Freedom    Expansion    Thawing

Melody  shared her own story of thawing out and being stuck through inspiring, artful, thought-provoking, encouraging videos. All I had to do was sit and listen at the feet of someone who understood where I was without ever having met me. Indeed, she knew what I needed.


Though she only ever mentioned "God" once in the entire 7 weeks (she used the title TruthTeller instead), she spoke the Lord's truths more clearly and with more compassion than many a religious soul. She understood the nooks and crannies of living out faith in the darkest of corners, and she shared it with me. She shined her light into my shadows and reminded me there is a thing called hope. I have a future and God has plans for me that I can't even imagine!

My Beautiful Mess

This is my beautiful mess. A mess Melody helped me to create. She not only gave me a shopping list, she took a camera to the craft store with her to show me exactly what she meant. She recorded videos of herself using all the supplies. And guess what? I could do what she did! It was so easy and full of heart, not difficult processes. In this little corner of my family room I learned to love and live again. My soul remembered how to create. 


With each video, Melody includes an art project. [Hold on! Before you run off scared, know it's a simple form of art therapy. You don't ever need to have created so much as a hand-written card before you get started on the freedom journey.] I used color and texture to say things words just wouldn't touch. I created a timeline of my life that showed me just how many precious periods I've had in life and how inconceivably long they really lasted. I took the bitter edge off my memories when I met them face to face and called them what they were--simply bits on the timeline of eternity.


Oh, I hope I'm not sounding too artsy fartsy, or philosophical. Truth is, I listened to some wise words and then worked out my interpretation and application of them with crayons and glue. Bigger truth is, God reminded me who I am, and He allowed me to create again, just as He creates.


If you can identify with my story, if you need to thaw, to be unstuck, to move out of what stymies your soul, please, join Melody for Soul Restoration 1 online, where she'll help you Find Your Truth. It begins April 5, runs six weeks, and costs a mere $99. It is so worth the money--trust me. Give yourself some new life this spring.


As for me, I'm looking forward to Soul Restoration 2, which begins in June. In the meantime I've got some creating to do. I'm working on canvas for the first time in my life!

Bliss     Reward     Restoration     Eternity

Now, to continue with the hop you'll need to go see Karen at Written By Angels.

From His Mouth to My Ears...



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¹²Clothe yourselves therefore, as God's own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper].

    ¹³Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive].

    ¹⁴And above all these [put on] love and enfold yourselves with the bond of perfectness [which binds everything together completely in ideal harmony].

    ¹⁵And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ's] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].

    ¹⁶Let the word [spoken by] Christ (the Messiah) have its home [in your hearts and minds] and dwell in you in [all its] richness, as you teach and admonish and train one another in all insight and intelligence and wisdom [in spiritual things, and as you sing] psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody to God with [His] grace in your hearts.

    ¹⁷And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.

                                                            --Colossians 3:12-17

Hymn of the Week: How Firm a Foundation



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Every Monday we choose a new hymn, read a story about its composer, and sing it throughout the week. I'll admit that sometimes I get glassy-eyed or gloss over certain words and phrases when we're singing, but not this week. This week's hymn was incredibly soothing to my soul.

How Firm a Foundation

How firm a foundation , you saints of the Lord, is laid for your faith in His excellent word!

What more can He say then to you He has said, to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed; for I am your God, and will still give you aid;

I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand, upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call you to go, the rivers of sorrow will not overflow;

For I will be with you, your troubles to bless, and sanctify to you your deepest distress.

When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie, My grace, all-sufficient, shall be your supply; the flame shall not hurt you; I only design your dross to consumer and your gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose, I will not, I will not desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell shall endeavor to shake, I'll never, no never, no never forsake.