top ten ramblings

So much rambling around in my mind. 
So many little arguments 
trying to hold themselves up 
against Christ in my mind (2 Cor. 10:5).

10. Clean Car
Do I mind, I mean really mind, sitting in junk day in day out? 
Spilled milkshakes, thousands of fingerprints that spell out "Help me!" or "Wash me." 
The notion that a whole nest of rats could live in my car alone quite content with the menu. 
Do I mind?

9. Home School Organization
Each time I've nailed down exactly what and how we'll do this fall, something major changes. 
A whole co-op moves its day. 
I find I need to add in an entire subject. 
I change units. 
While everyone is posting on facebook about finally having their hs years lined up, 
my year is still not nailed down. 

8. Clean House
The "pile" on the kitchen counter has grown. 
It is now too large for the counter and sits in the corner of my dining room. 
A huge eyesore, like a wart on an otherwise generally tidy area. 
Something about it being there gives my all-or-nothing personality permission to let the rest go. Should I just toss it all without going through it? 
Not smart, but would make the rest of the upstairs cleaner.

7. Enough Time for Everybody Dear to Me
I want to see you! 
I want you to come to my house and sit with me over a cup of tea, 
laughing, crying, however we're moved.
But this seriously high introvert can't seem to find any energy these days. 
It's not that I don't love you. In fact, I think of you all the time. 
But when I have a free day on the calendar, I usually pencil in 

6. Exercise
My body needs it. My mind needs it. 
It only takes 20 mins. on the bike 
in front of the t.v. for Pete's sake!
There is no excuse except for laziness. 
I must, must, must model its importance to my children.
I must fit back into my jeans in the fall--
  I gave away my bigger sizes last year.

5. Vacation
Every year I say "This year I will look like a bombshell on the beach." 
Too bad my belly looks like it was hit with shrapnel
That's what birthing four kids will do to you.
And...I've decided...
I don't want to cook on vacation.
At all. 
Easy to say, hard to do
when there will be 10 hungry folks every day.
This will be one interesting vacation.

4. Budget
My nemesis.
I say I'll stick with it, but then something I just "have to have" comes up. 
Some nonsense like eggs or milk. Trivial, really.. 
So I cry over my budget every two weeks, 
then feel terrible for not being grateful for the awesome job my hubby has 
that pays for so many of what the rest of the world would call "luxuries," 
like central air conditioning.

3. Body
I want to love this body. 
I read a quote that said 
"Love your body because you can't care for something you hate." 
So true. 
For the first time in my life, when I look in the mirror, I actually think "pretty."
I don't think it has anything to do with youth or firmness, 
but with wisdom and softened edges.
In my mind I love my curves. 
But once I step away from the mirror, the accusing voices start: 
"Did you miss those 20 extra pounds of FAT?! 
"Are you stinking blind? You jiggle, girlfriend!
"Pretty? Ha!" [Insert evil laugh.]

2. Career
I posted that I was jealous...a wee bit jealous...
that many of my friends are starting new chapters in their lives--
going back to work after a decade of being home with children.
Don't get me wrong.
I do NOT want to go get a job.
I seriously abhor the idea of time clocks and schedules.
I do not want to wait on people in retail
or bring other people food in restaurants.
I would, however, like a  
vision for my writing career
It's what I was made for.

1. Spirit
My emotions do not determine
my place in Christ.
My identity is not controlled
by raging peri-menopausal hormones.
No matter how I feel when I wake up,
God does not love me more when I am "on."
He loves me because He loves me because He loves me.
So this brings me back to 2 Corinthians 10:5

...Putting an end to reasonings, 
and every high thing which is lifted up 
against the knowledge of God, 
and causing every thought 
to come under the authority of Christ...

That means putting everything in its rightful place,
under the feet of Jesus.
Putting the whining, questioning, bellyaching,
the insecurity, accusations, pride,
the hormones, moods and mind-racing
under His feet so He can crush them.

That means
taking every single thought captive to 
the One who overcame all thoughts
with Victory over sin and death.


Anne said...

Deb, I loved your post :) I am excited to see what you choose for curriculum this fall. You choose different ones than I do so I love hearing about what works for you. I actually know lots of people who are planning right now and haven't ordered anything--just so you know. :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!

Inge said...

Thanks for the honesty! You are such a great writer! I thought of you and your family when Irene came through, glad you are all O.K.! ~ Inge : )